I recently had some time to kill on a Southwest flight, thanks to the soon-to-be-extinct no-electronics-under 10,000 feet rule. What is there to do when you got so distracted at the gate by Mike Tyson that you forgot to pick up a magazine? You read the Skymall catalog, of course! I skimmed through it pretty quickly, though it kept me more entertained than US Weekly could have done on the entire flight. Here are 15 of the strangest items I found in the Skymall catalog, in no particular order:
For $100, you and three of your closest friends can launch yourselves in opposite directions, within the safe confines of this rubber band-like contraption. Except, the slighshot serves no purpose other than to keep you from running outside of the confines of the slingshot. So basically, you are just running from one side of this elastic square to another.
If you run in the same direction as your friends, the slingshot fails and you’ll all get injured. If you run in opposite directions, you run the risk of smashing into each other and getting injured. Basically, this thing was invented by the health care industry to drive up revenue. You’d better figure out those kinks in the Obamacare site asap if you plan on playing with this absurd contraption.
For $400 you can probably get a neighborhood kid to clean your windows for an entire year, without a change of batteries or the potential for falling and breaking in half, thus destroying your investment.
3. Lip Enhancer
I don’t know what’s more ridiculous – that this thing exists, that it claims to work, or the “grandmother” in the video who claims to be a baby boomer looking to enhance her looks.
Save your $19.99-$48.99 for collagen injections. Or do what Tyra Banks does and stick toilet paper under your top lip (see Season 1 of America’s Next Top Model). If it’s good enough for the pros…
Note: It turns out the grandmother in the video isn’t just a spokesperson, but the inventor of this product. Not only did she confirm that she really is a grandmother, but she had a great sense of humor about this post. 😉
I get why the travel pillow exists (though I don’t find it comfortable at all). What I don’t get is why it needs an attached hoodie. Why not make an entire sweatshirt out of it? Maybe Mark Zuckerberg will endorse it.
For $247.99-$297.99 you can get an absurdly overpriced pillbox that isn’t really electronic. I get why people need pillboxes. I don’t know how this company can pretend a contraption consisting of paper and plastic can be construed as anything other than a trash bag, let alone something “electronic.” The parts that would be useful aren’t even electronic!
For the price of a digital camera or Photoshop, you get an elaborate laundry bag and two reading lights so you can mimic photo shoots with a lamp. I bet Annie Liebovitz doesn’t travel anywhere without one of these.
Who needs an iPhone when you can get a watch that takes pictures in the dark? Did I mention an iPhone does both? Nevermind that. It’s a bargain at $199.95 (the cost of an iPhone with a 2-year contract).
9. iPad Pen
An iPad pen isn’t a bad idea in and of itself. It’s the fact that it costs half as much as an iPad, or the same as some lesser known tablets, that makes it ridiculous. I’ll keep my $169.95 and use my index finger to navigate an iPad.
Nevermind that you could buy almost 50 gallons of gas at today’s price point. It’s more important to plan for when you run out of gas by investing in this thing than to actually make an effort to keep the tank full. You’ll definitely put this to use when you run out of gas after running out of cash after buying this thing.
“With a flick of the wrist, this is the remote control wand that can change channels, volume, or manage other controls on your electronic devices.” It’s been a while since I’ve operated one, but I’m pretty sure that sentence describes what a regular remote control does. Maybe the selling point is that it “comes in a silk-lined box.”
“What time is it in Athens? Rio? Denver?” Check your iPhone. That’s what the free, pre-installed app is for. Put your $24.50 towards a gyro during that trip to Athens.
13. What on Earth?
The “What on Earth?” collection takes bizarre to a whole new level. First, there’s the fixation on the name Bob. Is an overwhelming majority of this world’s population named Bob? This line of t-shirts would have you think so. With witticisms like “Bob is Bob spelled backwards,” and “Of course I’m right, I’m Bob” I seriously think I have a shot at a lucrative career in t-shirt making.
Is there a popular book series targeted at thirty-somethings called “Lake Girl”? Why are there three different Lake Girl products? And who wants to be identified as such? Unless there’s an “ers” at the end of that Lake, there’s no need to be printing it on merchandise and charging through the roof for it.
15. Food Pillows
“We dreamed we ate an ice cream sandwich and when we woke up our pillow was gone…” I’d love to get a copy writing gig at Skymall.
This certainly isn’t the worst of it and there are plenty more bizarre items in the online catalog that are yet to be discovered. What is the strangest/most ridiculous items you’ve seen in a Skymall catalog?
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