Some airline passengers are terrible. Everyday, we have people like Heather Poole and the guys at Passenger shaming to remind us of that fact. I don’t think I’ve ever had an especially terrible experience with a seatmate or fellow passenger. Until a recent flight from Philadelphia to San Francisco. My seatmate was rude, belligerent, and passed gas like he was powering a methane generator. We often come across advice articles about how not to be a bad passenger. Here’s how not to be The Seatmate From Hell:
1. Be polite. We all sang songs about this in nursery school, but somehow people still don’t understand this concept. When I approached my seat on the aforementioned flight, the guy occupying the aisle seat in my row had a chip on his shoulder. He greeted me with, “You know there are other seats on this plane” (as if the long trek up the aisle hadn’t already affirmed that fact). “Yes, but this one’s assigned to me”. He hesitated, then got up, with an attitude, to let me through. You would have thought he was the one sitting in the middle seat during the 5-hour flight based on how annoyed he acted about the seating arrangement. He then spent the next 30 minutes scanning the plane for another place for me to sit…
It started with him looking around the cabin, trying to find me another seat. “I bet there’s an aisle seat empty somewhere”. I responded with, “Not likely. All the other seats were taken when I picked this one”. He pointed one row back and across the aisle, “That seat is empty”. Now he’s getting on my nerves: “Yeah, until the person it’s assigned to boards the plane”. Then the fun started. What happened next was either his way of getting rid of me or the reason he wanted me gone…
2. Airplanes are powered by gas – no need to bring your own. Sometimes people can’t help it. They cash in their free Chipotle burrito before getting to the airport, they sample too much free cheese at Costco, or they eat something funny just before boarding the flight. Totally understandable. But if it’s possible to release the end product in the bathroom, by all means spare the air! After his attempts at finding me a new seat failed, my seatmate started passing gas. Like, enough to take out a small village. I started to wonder whether this was the reason for his persistence in finding me another seat. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I moved to the empty seat he pointed out earlier. Shortly after, a woman apologetically trudged up the aisle to that very seat and I had to vacate, making my way back to the methane farm.
3. Let people get to their seats. One of the most annoying things about sitting any place other than the aisle is getting to your seat. Why? Because too often, the person sitting in the aisle will pull the retracted leg maneuver. They simply pull their feet back and look at you like it’s totally feasible for you to pass through 3 millimeters of space.
In my case, my seatmate had legs so long, his knees hit the back of the chair in front of him. So when he was feeling generous, he’d simply pull his legs into the aisle. When he wasn’t, he’d look at me like his feet inching closer to his seat would give me enough space to pass. At one point, he even pretended to be asleep just seconds after snorting loudly as he woke from what I was hoping was a nightmare worse than the one I was experiencing during the flight. Don’t be a jerk: Get up and let other passengers get to their seats without inadvertently giving you a lap dance.
4. Respect your seatmate’s personal space. I remember during my college years, when the recession had slowed down business travel, I’d often board an almost completely empty plane and have an entire row to myself. Those days are long gone. The economy class cabin is a small space and no matter how much extra space you pay for, you’re still going to have to sit next to people. Be mindful of their personal space. For example, if you’re sitting in the aisle and have a neighbor in the middle seat, don’t toss your arms over both armrests like you’re Joffrey Baratheon sitting on the Iron Throne. Or practically fall on your neighbor as you’re drifting off to sleep. It’s not fun to have to think about other people’s comfort when you’re traveling, but outside of chartering a private jet, there’s no other option.
After getting booted from the aisle seat, I made my way back to my old seat. That’s when my seatmate started shifting around and grabbed his oversized
tent blanket. He threw it over himself and went out cold, invading my armrest with his elbow, which dangled off the edge like I wasn’t even sitting next to him. His blanket was practically covering my entire left arm! So I nudged his elbow away, tossed his blanket back, and let him know about my frustration with, “Go ahead and invade me space. I’ve got tons of room here in the coveted middle seat”. He was completely unbothered and simply continued to pretend to be asleep (narcoleptics don’t fall asleep this fast).
It went on like this throughout the flight: Me having to fight for my personal space, calling him out on it, and him being completely unbothered. Even after we landed, he blocked the aisle while he grabbed his laptop bag from the overhead bin, placed it on his chair, put his laptop in, and rummaged through bag. All at a leisurely pace with complete disregard for the people behind him who were tapping their feet and sighing with annoyance.
The moral of the story? Don’t be the seatmate from hell. Respect other people’s space, try to be mildly polite, and remember you’re basically taking public transportation. You’re not the only person on the plane.
Have you ever sat next to an especially difficult person in a plane? Which habits from your passengers annoy you the most?
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